"Bathing Ed Asner," by Greg Ames

I snatched the rubber duck
from his hairy, wet fist
and in a cruel voice
instructed him to quit
fooling and to sit down dammit in the tub.

"But I didn't ask for your help,"
Asner whined, sulked and slapped
the murky water with his puckered palms.

"Well, that's pretty much beside
the point, isn't it?" I said.
"I'm here now, helping you, so stop
making trouble for me, Lou Grant."

"Don't call me that!" he said.

"Well, then, lift up your arms."
I whispered in his ear,
"and let's swab out those pits."

(2007)